Nana
September 4, 2002
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Homework: Part 4 of 4 for the final project
I remember it as if it were yesterday.
I was sitting on my porch just minding my own business, when who should walk up? My grandmother. I looked at her, she looked at me. We had never really been on speaking terms. She thought I was the Anti-Christ, I thought she was a washed-up nobody.
You see, it all started when I renounced Catholicism. Well, renounced might be a strong word for it. I simply found a path that was more suited to me. Nana thinks that we are to conform to the religion, not "go about trying out new ones till you find one that fits you."
Well, I hate to say it, but that is exactly what I did. I'll be damned before I turn my life upside down to fit to some religion. I knew that there were plenty of religions out there, one of them had to fit my style. But I digress.
My Nana was standing on my porch steps. For all the world I couldn't figure out why she would be there. I haven't seen her in years, I didn't even know she knew where I lived. Whatever the case, there she was.
"Nana," I said.
"Child," she replied.
I do so hate it when she calls me Child, she seems to forget that I am in my mid-twenties now. Granted, I don't have a wealth of knowledge, but I'm not exactly a stripling either. I took a deep breath.
"What brings you here?"
"I hear you are trafficking with Him again!" she replied in her most condescending, not to mention projecting, voice.
"And where, if I may ask, did you hear that?" I said, standing up.
"He has told me!" she bellowed out.
"Which He?"
"Don't play word games with me young missy. Christ Almighty has given me visions of you having sexual relations with Lucifer!" And of course Lucifer was nearly screeched at the top of her lungs.
I am very happy that I have understanding neighbors. I chose this part of the town for that exact reason; we are all trying to get away from similar situations. At the moment, the only other person home in the area that could witness this was Mike. He was probably making a penny-and-incense devotion to the Earth Mother, or else he might come out and be my savior.
"Are you even listening to me, Child?"
"Ya know, I'm gonna be bluntly honest with ya," I started. "No, I'm not. I haven't been listening to you in years, why should I start now?"
"Well, I say...." She began.
"You say too much as it is, Nana." I interrupted. "I would be grateful if you would leave my property."
"Hhhmmpphh!" was all she had to say to that.
She just turned and started walking to her car, which, of course, was outside of the neighborhood. She didn't like other people to see her pulling her new Beamer into this part of town. Then Mike came out to say hello.
"You are her partner aren't you?" she sneered at him.
"Actually no," he replied, pulling himself up to his full height. "I'm not really into the whole 'women' thing, catch my drift?"
I had to bite my cheek to keep from laughing because he was as straight an arrow as one got around here. But I think he wanted to move her along more quickly. Which she did of course, mumbling about Satan, and Homo-sexuals and how we all must have 666 tattooed on our behinds. Luckily it didn't take long for her to get to the end of the street and out of our site.
Once she was gone, Mike wandered over to my yard.
"How 'bout some chicken?" he asked.
"Love some!" I replied, jumping off my porch to avoid stepping in the spot where Nana had been tirading.
The next few hours were spent in self-indulgent bliss. This is a good neighborhood. I'm really happy to have found it.
NOTE: This was an assignment for my CCV Creative Writing Workshop online class with Nancy Thompson.
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